What you may not know about Valentine’s Day is that it often turns out to be the beginning of the end for many couples.
Here’s why … Many people evaluate the overall state of happiness and success in their marriage or romantic relationship based on whether or not their expectations for Valentine’s Day get met.
Unmet expectations easily become the final straw after a year’s worth of unfulfilling romantic love. Theses increasing levels of disappointment may lead to affairs and, ultimately, turn Valentine’s Day into one of the leading causes of divorce.
According to a study of divorce filings by legal referral sites Attorney Fee and Avvo, February is the busiest month of the year for divorce filings. People seeking referrals for divorce increase about 40% in February — with the biggest spike hitting on the day after Valentine’s Day.
Additionally, a number of websites for married individuals seeking affairs report that the day after Valentine’s Day is their number one day for new sign-ups. If you’re in a struggling relationship, Valentine’s Day might remind you of your romantic dream of love you’ve lost. And of course, thinking You can’t undo a year of disappointment and unhappiness by offering your partner a greeting card, candy, obligatory dinner, or even a dozen roses. Let’s get real.
Can a greeting card restore intimacy and passion? Can candy save a loveless marriage? Can a greeting card restore intimacy and passion? Can a dozen roses overcome an affair? Here are 3 ways to change your thinking about Valentine’s Day before your expectations destroy your relationship for good.
1. Get perspective. The value of your relationship isn’t contingent upon expectations and unrealistic romantic desires for one single day. Don’t let the way this day evolves decide the fate of your relationship. You are where you are in your relationship for many reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.
2. Focus on giving to your partner instead of on what you may get. Make the day about valuing them. Show your appreciation for your partner in whatever way is most genuine for you. If you are willing to let go of your romanticized expectations, you can’t be held emotionally hostage by the day. You may feel hurt or resentful about what your part has or hasn’t done for you in the past year.
That’s Ok. You can still find something to appreciate about them and do something to acknowledge it.
3. Start working towards something better. Make a commitment to elevate the standard you live by in relation to interacting with your partner. Even if you think they are to blame for every challenge in your relationship, the likelihood is that you haven’t been 100 percent perfect. Any relationship is a shared responsibility. Today’s the day you can begin to shift and improve your relationship. Don’t withhold your love, compliments, respect, attention, or sex because you are upset or think they owe you. And stop keeping score, it’s the easiest way to get stuck in feeling resentful.
Winning the game of love happens through what you give, not from demands or attempts to control the other person. It certainly won’t happen when you remain resentful of unmet expectations of your partner and unmet expectations around Valentine’s Day.
This year, you can use Valentine’s Day as a catalyst to begin to be more kind by saying thank you for little things.
You could notice what your partner does right and compliment them for it.
You could remember something amazing or unique about them and tell them how it makes you feel.
You could find countless ways to value your partner more.